Ayurveda’s Light On The Grieving Process

Ayurveda’s Light On The Grieving Process

By Rose Carol, M.A. Counseling,

Shanka Vansya Ayurveda Educator

My Ayurvedic teacher, the late Vaidya Ramakant Mishra, an eminent ayurvedic scholar and teacher used to tell the following story to his patients who experienced deep loss in their lives. “There once was a young woman who lived in the small South Indian village just outside of Tamil Nadu. She was grief stricken by the sudden loss of her husband. She began to tell herself stories that God was out to punish her and that she must have been a bad person to become a widow at such a young age. After many months of inner turmoil and self story telling which strengthened her suffering, she went to see her family guru and asked him why God had chosen her to suffer, why he took her beloved. The guru gave her a copper pot and advised her to fill the pot with water from the local villagers.  However, there was one requirement, the guru instructed her to get the water from a household that had NOT lost someone to death. When she set out to get the water, hut by hut she knocked on doors of her fellow community to fill the pot for water. Each and every household said something similar,  “I am sorry we cannot give you the water, we also have lost a loved one” It was either a son, a daughter, a mother, a father, an aunt, an uncle, a wife, a husband, a  friend, a grandparent, an animal. She went to dozens of homes and heard all their stories and then she arrived to the very last hut that also had a sad loss to death. She came back to her guru with an empty pot. She came to the realization that God was not targeting her or punishing her, that every human has loss. The guru filled her copper pot with water and flower petals and told her to go to the river where she rinsed herself with the holy water prayed for the hole in her empty heart to be filled with gratitude and peace.

In the light of Ayurveda, everyone digests loss and experiences grief in their own unique way.  Grief can come in many forms, feelings surrounding the death of loved one, divorce, loss of a cherished pet, loss of health, loss of finance, or loss of job.  The way one processes loss is to do with one’s individual mind/body type and how they digest experiences including trauma and loss. Dr. Mishra says that the main cause of depression, one of the symptoms of complex grief is the lack of ability to process emotions. Some people are able to process an emotion quickly, which means they are able to let go of it and move on with their lives. For others, the processing or “cooking” of thoughts is slow so the negative impression remains with them for a very long time and this impacts their current thoughts and emotions, resulting in depression. 

The experience of grief according to Ayurveda is as diverse as much as it is a universal  experience. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. One’s experience is deeply honored and Ayurveda says that the process of time or Kala is the greatest healer, as it helps to eventually soften this universal experience. For some, there is no desire to heal from the loss because the pain connects them to the departed. There could be a fear that their departed one will be forgotten if ‘they got over it”,  or moving forward, may minimize the importance of the departed one’s life so the individual may hold on to the pain for many years in order to stay connected. Ayurveda has other solutions to stay connected.

The question may come, how can Ayurveda help someone who strongly desires to let go but is struggling to do so?  In my own personal experience, I had experienced a loss of a partner via an unwanted divorce and I noticed even after a few years, I did not feel myself. The part of me that I used to know as joyful was minimum. Grief, different than depression can be complex.  According to the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM), Complex Grief is most often confused with depression. There is solid evidence that treatment for depression is far less helpful than targeted Complex Grief treatment so this difference is important.  Core symptoms of Complex Grief are persistent yearning and preoccupation with the deceased whereas core symptoms of depression are pervasive “free-floating” sadness and loss of interest and pleasure.  “Prolonged Grief Disorder includes the above Complex Grief symptoms accompanied by intense emotional pain (e.g. sadness, guilt, anger, denial, blame, difficulty accepting the death, feeling one has lost a part of one’s self, an inability to experience positive mood, emotional numbness, difficulty in engaging with social or other activities” (DSM 5).

At the time, when I was eager to get back to feeling myself, I received a treatment called Maharishi Vedic Vibration Treatment, which was basically a mantra specifically for grief that was whispered by the trained technician onto my body. I was then given water which I was to drink over the next week that also carried this vibration. This was performed on me for about 30 minutes over a period of three days.  I did not have any expectation for it working but after a few weeks. I did notice a significant change in my mood and behavior. I simple felt more of myself and much happier. 

Years later, I was given a number of healing sounds by Vaidya Mishra to use on clients while administering marma point therapy and panchakarma (Ayurveda Detoxification therapy. While a different approach, the idea behind is similar, is that mantras are subtle positive vibrations that can restore balance on the more manifested aspects of life in the body, mind, and emotions. Ayurveda works on both the subtle and gross levels of human life, from the nadis that transport prana, chakras, and soma to the organ systems, cellular structure, mind, emotions and even the intellectual understanding of the nature of life. When Ayurveda can address the cause of suffering and offer a modality that goes to the root cause, then healing can become lasting and deeply profound. 

In the ancient Ayurvedic sourcebook, the Charaka Samhita, we read: hridaya chetana sthanam. Dr. Mishra translates this verse as follows: hridaya is the heart, chet is consciousness, and sthanama means located/placed. He translates this as follows: consciousness is seated in the heart. This means that the mind and heart are intimately connected, since the heart is the dwelling place of consciousness. It also indicates that the sadhaka pitta subdosha that governs the heart, is responsible for processing/digesting emotions. 

Ayurveda’s perspective is that this ancient form medicine and its many modalities is there to support someone in the midst of their personal grieving process. That support can come in a variety of ways such as using Ayurvedic herbal formulas that nurture and support the emotional heart and mind. Those herbs may include Arjuna, Rose, Ashoka, and Brahmi).  Roses literally soothe the heart and emotions – used for thousands of years in Ayurveda also balances the mind. It enhances the coordination between Sadhaka Pitta and Prana Vata (the subdosha that governs the brain, head, chest, respiration, sensory perception, and the mind. Ayurvedic Grief support may come through the use of specific mantras, body therapies such as Marma, Heart Basti, or Ayurvedic Massage. It may come through meditation, yoga or counseling – finding a trusted confident that listens and hears your experiences and allows one to gain a deeper perspective and meaning making from death and the grieving process. I found this quote about death and grieving by His Holiness Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to be particularly insightful. 

“When someone dies, it is because at that point their karma has become insurmountable in the present body. It is not possible to understand had to come when it did and there is certainly no point in assuming responsibility and guilt. The course of action is unfathomable. However, especially for someone on the path of speedy evolution, the transition is purely evolutionary. They go the celestial realms, or are reborn almost immediately.” “When life leaves the body, it is the breath leaving, like transcending. For one who has been accustomed to this experience for many years, the transition is easy, painless and blissful, not catastrophic. Dropping the body is like letting a bird out of its cage. Grief is natural. At first when grief is deep and sharp, these emotions of the family and friends allow the soul to feel that they were loved very deeply. It is also natural that the grieving should taper off, allowing the soul to feel that their passing was not a drag on the life of their beloved ones, and that they are free to move on to their destiny. It is important to feel positivity and support for the departed soul wherever they may be, because our attitude affects their evolution.” “When a person who is a Sidha… …if it is time to leave the body… …at this moment it is so much easier… …One bursts in to bliss when one stops thinking. The mind bursts into awareness and the habit of transcending takes over. This is what transforms the experience into unbounded awareness and the mind does not come back to the relative. In fact it is not such a terrible thing. It is quite a Holy Occasion. We accept the Will of God and surrender to it. When death comes we just dive through it like when a wave comes on the shore”.

About the Author:

?

Rose Carol, offers Holistic Psychotherapy and Ayurveda as adjunct therapy for personal growth, the Highly Sensitive Person, Sleep, Anxiety, and Grief. She holds a masters degree in Counseling Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute and is a certified Shaka Vansya Ayurveda Practitioner with Dr. Mishra. Online and In Person Sessions are available. She may be reached 847 636 2744. www.dev.ayurvedahealthcoach.com